I was thinking about my life just the other day as I was rolling silverware after work (yes, there's something new, I have a job now!). A few of us were hanging in the club room where we were having a staff meeting later, rolling bins full of silverware after a busy morning and long 6+ hour shifts. They were telling me about past fights at the restaurant and teasing one of the dishwashers; everyone, even me, laughing and enjoying being there. The situation I was in probably seems like no big deal at all; anyone reading this who doesn't have arcolepsy with or without cataplexy or doesn't deal with someone with either of those every day probably doesn't see the complete amazingness, for search of a better word, of this story.
If you know anything about narcolepsy at all, then you can probably see what I'm getting at. Less than a year ago around February or March, I wouldn't have been able to stay awake for such a long work shift; I would've at least passed out face first into my silverware rolls. I wouldn't have to been able to laugh with everyone or even smile at the conversation around me without having a full-blown fall-to-the-ground-paralyzed cataplexy attack. Even meeting my new coworkers would've sent me to the floor and no manager in his right mind, not even mine, would hire someone as ill and depressed as I was for the second half of my junior year. That I was even there was a miracle unto itself, one that I couldn't even imagine ever happening six months ago.
I know you've missed a lot of the story. If I'm this much better after six months, what did I do? What kind of drugs are they giving me? Was it all a misdiagnosis as it can be a lot of the time? For a while I was hoping for that, but tests proved that it was only my wishful thinking: I have narcolepsy and cataplexy (or as I 'fondly' call it, narcaplexy) and I will have it for the rest of my life. Through my senior year, my college career, and whatever happens after that, it will be the black cloud hanging around me and those close to me. I'd like to say that I know what my future holds for me, but narcaplexy has changed my perspective on almost everything, so who knows!
So a thank you to everyone at work who have been amazingly cool about it, and thank you to my friends who have been to hell and thankfully back with me, and thank you to my parents for trying to keep a smile when I know its a fake one sometimes, and thank you to my doctors for listening to what I think is best for me, and thank you to everyone new that I've met since then that has shown me that it's not a thing to be afraid to share. I owe so much to those that are in my life right now, because they have to deal with narcaplexy right along with me.
My life has been changed for what I can almost say is the better and every day and every challege I overcome from laughing with my insane friends for hours without falling to waiting tables for hours without spilling food on my customers or falling asleep on my break, is something to celebrate and share with the world, so thank YOU for listening to it all.
P.S. I promise I'll be posting much more often now!
This is an amazing post, Julie...I know exactly what you mean about laughing with people. Before I was diagnosed, I became emotionless for almost a year. I had a very hard time letting myself feel, because it meant I wouldn't fall as much. But now, like you, I'm doing lots better, both at living with my condition and in being around people while having episodes.
ReplyDelete