Going Greek: ΑΓΔ

The "baby squirrels" of ΑΓΔ

Had anybody told me told me that I would someday join a college sorority, I would've laughed and called them crazy. I had never imagined myself wearing some crazy letters no one could ever read and calling 50 girls I don't even know "my sisters". But as of today I can officially say that I am a proud baby squirrel for ΑΓΔ, Alpha Gamma Delta!

Having to stand in front of hundreds of sorority girls and a ton of fraternity guys as they read off your name and chapter affiliation for the first time is a complete whirlwind. The sisters rush forward when they hear your name and their letters put together and hug you, spin you around, scream at you, anything they decide to do in the spur of the moment before dragging you off to meet your sisters. For any girl, that's insane. For a cataplectic, that's detrimental. 

I was terrified of falling in front of everyone, terrified of freaking out all of Greek Life here. But what option did I have? My flush of excitement and emotions pulled through, and when I heard my name I couldn't even deciphers any of the emotions in my head. I was able to easily hug my sisters, jump up and down like a giddy girl, and even walk the 15 feet back to where the Gams were hanging out cheering us on. I was amazingly all right!

So that's my story for tonight. I've joined the funniest sorority on campus known for joking around all the time and finding humor in the smallest little things, and I have a cataplexy. 

Sounds like an interesting combination, hmmm? 

Preference Night 2012 - Green Group

Band Camp Didn't Have a Lesson For This...

College football is pretty big in the U.S.; it doesn't take a genius to notice how much it captures the entire attention of our country. There's high school and NFL teams too, but something about college football just makes the year seem whole. Growing up in Toledo by the University of Toledo, I know all about our blue and gold themed Rockets. The Rockets are actually awesome, they've beaten Michigan a few years ago and always play a few big teams from out of their division. Bowling Green State University with their orange and brown Falcons aren't bad either, and are also within and hour from my house.

Basically, growing up in a college town with good football and crossing into Michigan for school every day where the Ohio State University Buckeyes and University of Michigan Wolverines' massive rivalry rule the region every November has made me a seasoned college football fan. Since my high school was so small, I never went to a game on Friday night's like the entirety of Monroe County Michigan seems to do this time of year. I haven't been to ANY football games, on any level. Or, I hadn't until this past weekend.

My new school, Baldwin Wallace University is home to the Division III Yellow Jackets. Brown and gold is adorns the campus and its students almost like a cult, and sports are a big recreational thing here. As a freshman in the marching band with a football obsession and similar family members, to say I was overexcited for Saturday's game would be an understatement. Add in the fact that I'm sort of seeing a guy on the team, and even the Black Plague couldn't keep me away from going to that game!

Marching band was another first for me. Everyone else in the band marched for their high schools for most of their four years before this. Me? I've never taken so much as a step away from my chair and music stand on the stage during our high school performances. The bulky uniform, silly hats with the feathers on top, weird way of roll-step walking in an even line with the beat of the drumline while we played our instruments, and especially the bizarre lingo was ALL new to me. Standing and playing my flute was one thing that I'd noticed was going to be an issue as soon as I was diagnosed with cataplexy; silly me never thought about that when I signed up for marching band.

Despite my fears, Saturday was fantastic! I remembered my positions and kept my roll-steps in check, I mostly remembered all my music in my head and kept my wrong notes at a low volume...

Marching outside the stadium leading the fans into the game and hearing the hollers and cheers of the fans tailgating in the parking lot, shouting "Kill 'em, Yellow Jackets!" and seeing all the proud parents taking pictures of us as we walked by left me holding back obnoxious giggles and gripping my flute for dear life, trying to hold off the cataplexy that was teasing me, threatening to cause a scene.

That dizzying feeling of pride and anticipation when the team came out of the locker room shouting and making noise like only a football team can gave me a small delay in playing the fight song as they ran down the field in front of us, but as one in a band of 100+ it went completely unnoticed.

And I somehow got through the pre-game show and half-time show without any cataplexy incidence. Even though the excitement of being at my first football game was coursing through my veins, with the nerves of being on the field in front of all those people, including my mom, representing my school as a part of the band. 

Even walking into the stadium as the teams were warming up, seeing the boys in their uniforms and searching the jersey numbers anxiously despite telling myself not to; looking for MY guy, #71, even though I knew that spotting him would just send a jolt of SOMETHING through me, with a wave of cataplexy following directly behind. Lucky for me, I didn't find him until I was safely seated in the stands, but that didn't stop the cataplexy from poking at me as I marched through the pre-show and around the stadium as the team ran in for kick-off.

Despite all that I held my own and got through the entire game. Our boys won, of course! 45-13, I believe. and my guy won with the Junior Varsity on Sunday as well against Case Western Reserve, but that was an away game so I didn't get to see that one.

I think I'll do well in marching band. The first game was the hardest and I'm sure the giddy excitement will wear off as the season goes on; maybe even the butterflies from knowing I'm being watched while I march by one certain player on the team. Playing at Disney World in January? That's a whole other story, but I have hopes of taming my cataplexy a bit more by then!

Narcaplexy 101: Dating in College

I've had quite the crazy first week here at college! One week of Band Camp, one week of actual classes, and the three-day weekend that Labor Day bestows upon us. In that time, I've done so much and made so many friends that it's hard to believe! My new college life is everything I'd ever hoped it to be.

While I HAVEN'T been running around off-campus housing getting ridiculously wasted from cheap alcohol and making a fool of myself like so many movies portray the average college experience to be, I HAVE made a ton of friends, been a part of some late night homework parties in the lounge, completely destroyed any resemblance of a normal healthy eating schedule that I might've had, and met a really great guy who lives in my building and definitely likes me back :)

If you know anything about the high school I went to, you'll know what I mean when I say that being in a class of 700+ freshmen is a big adjustment. My graduating class from high school? Four (4) students, including me. The campus I live on now is home to 4,000 other people my age and a bit older. You can imagine how surreal it is to me, to be able to walk to a class four blocks away from my room and not see a single familiar face. I kind of like it, really. And of course, there are lot more guys at college than there were at my high school. Guys that I live in the same building with and see every day. Any girl in this position would be excited, but a girl who graduated with only two other boys? It's more at a little-kid-in-a-candy-store level of excitement ;)

Remember that guy I wrote about in my last post? The nice guy I met in the laundry room of my building and ran into at a Weekend of Welcome dance later that night? Well right now he's eating pizza and watching Sherlock Holmes with me; our own Labor Day celebration since 2/3 of the campus has gone home until Monday.

I've spent the past week fretting about telling him about me, about my Narcaplexy and all the potentially embarrassing bits that comes with my lifetime diagnosis. How would he react to hearing that I have a constant struggle with staying awake? And what about the fact of collapsing when I experience "strong emotions"? I love laughing, any guy I'm with had to be able to make me laugh or it's just not complete for me. If we decide to make this into a relationship, thus spending a lot more time and experiences together than friends, will he be okay with having to be the one to help me when my body thinks I'm starting a dream and I collapse to the floor? Flirting alone presents a problem for me. Teasing, laughing, meeting the people in his life... The inevitable minor fighting or jealousy? Getting involved with someone creates a lot of subconscious emotions that we don't deal with everyday, and some I've probably never experienced in my life.

As an average hormonal 18-year-old girl, my muscles betray me when I so much as walk by a cute guy, let alone smiling and talking to one. What will happen with a guy that has feelings for me, feelings I return? This is all new to me; so many questions, so many answers I'll have to discover my own.

Back to my week of fretting: I was so worried of scaring him off, having him think I was a freak and deciding that the likely normal bubbly brunette he'd been dancing with the other night would be a safer bet. My friends told me not to worry, if he was as cool as I made him out to be he'd be totally accepting of me, sleep disorder and all. Just approach the subject naturally and don't make a big deal out of it. Okay, so now I had to make it as casual as a conversation about the weather or he might realize I was making a big deal of it and worry... no pressure? And all this while I had to act normal around his friends who also had no idea or they might all think I was a slurring clumsy drunk and they'd ALL avoid me. While living on a campus with 4,000 strange faces, usually coming home at night almost too tired to handle the hike upstairs to the 3rd floor. No problem, right? :S

Well I finally told him. One morning, when he came upstairs to hang out with me. I was online trying to see when True Life: I Have Narcolepsy would be on next, thinking that would be a great conversation starter. "Hey look, that's me! Yeah, the one that just fell on her face in dance class..." No such luck, so when he asked what I was up to I flat out told him what I was looking for. This began the next 10-15 minute conversation of explaining everything, and finally telling him what I'd been so scared about. He assured me not to worry, he's not so that easy to get rid of... As if I had ANY intention to! ;)

And he's sure proved to be great about it. Keeping my naps in mind and reminding me to sleep when I start to slur but have no desire to pass out for 30 minutes, watching out for my clumsiness, being cautious when he makes me laugh and stopping when I tell him to so I can regain composure. He even reminded me to take my medicine one morning when he'd noticed I hadn't! The best was when he made a disappointed comment to my roommate, Beckah, about not being able to start a tickle war with me. I laughed and promised him if he was good then I'd explain the rules of tickle wars with a cataplectic--he cheered right up!

Things truly couldn't have gone any smoother with him. I'm so glad that he's accepting and protective and mindful of my daytime sleep schedule and my limitations from cataplexy. I really feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now :)

Narcaplexy Milestones: My Bowling Revenge

If you've watched True Life:I Have Narcolepsy then you've seen my experience the last time I went to Nortel Lanes which was a year ago, almost to the day. That was when my narcaplexy was at its worst, before I began taking medication and my other treatments to maintain the shred of normalcy I hoped was left in my life. I spent practically the entire time there either slumped in a chair or sitting on the floor clinging to the ball return, and MTV only showed you about 1% of the entire experience.

Well last Saturday, I went back to that bowling alley for the first time since then, with a different group of friends that make me laugh even more. My best friend Samantha who I haven't seen since Thanksgiving drove up from Georgia to visit her family and friends here in Monroe. I was severely in need of some quality fun and I got a huge dose of it, and can proudly say that I *mostly* managed to fight cataplexy, beat gravity, and avoid the ground!

So she picked me up Saturday for some mall, Chick-fil-a, Paranormal Activity 3, and cosmic bowling with our friends. I love when Sam visits, mostly because our friends are insanely funny. Like literally and completely crazy, so much so that even Sam ends up doubled over on the ground from laughing, and she's definitely not narcaplexic. As soon as I walked out of my house I felt that tight-throat weak-knee feeling hit me and I knew I'd have a long night ahead of me with trying to keep my muscle control in check.

Bowling was great and I was so proud of myself for actually managing to bowl for myself almost the entire time. Here those who have seen my True Life episode might remember my friend Kyle offering to bowl for me, because I couldn't move off the floor. I even sat on the barstools without worrying about falling off! Of course I'm not very good at bowling anymore; either from the cataplexy or the brain damage from my car accidedent, my arm muscles can get weak and randomly drop down limply, especially on my right side and I'm right-handed.

After about two hours we were done and I was grinning ear-to-ear with pride: I had conquered the bowling alley and gotten my revenge!

At least until one of the guys with us who I don't see too often, Scottie, started telling me jokes as I was climbing into the back of the car. One right after another, continuing even as I was leaning on the car and repeating "STOP" in between laughs, until I fell down onto the wet cement. It was all right though; Sam was behind me and caught me so I went down a bit more gracefully and didn't hurt myself, and he apologized and tried to help me up though I wouldn't let him. Plus, it was funny to hear her yell at him a bit once we were all safely in the car :) All in all, a really great night that was made perfect by re-found strength.

And since it was in the parking lot, I can basically say that I won, right? Yeah, I think I'll stick with that!

Watch It Online Now!

Woohoo! I finally got to watch True Life: I Have Narcolepsy! I think MTV did a great job of putting it all together; thanks guys! So check it out below and let me know YOUR thoughts on it.

Get More: True Life, Full Episodes

Viva Las Vegas!

So today instead of looking out my window at my neighbor's backyard, I can look outside my 14th floor hotel room and see the beautiful Rocky Mountains across the skyline (I even took a webcam picture for you!). I'm in Las Vegas, Nevada for the annual Narcolepsy Network Conference! This will be my first conference, as I'm a new patient, and no words can describe how excited I am.

This will be the first time I ever meet another person with Narcolepsy or Cataplexy, and not just one, but a whole conference full of them! I know for sure a little Cataplexy attack is in my future when I meet these people, but it's so worth it. So wish me luck! I'll post again tonight and tell you how it goes :)

Whoops

So I haven't posted in a while but this is only because I just recently got home from Winter Break in Italy on Sunday! Yeah, it definitely is an amazing way to spend your break from school, especially considering I got to celebrate my 17th birthday in Florence! It feels great to be this old :) nearly an adult yet still naive enough to get away with stuff ;D

Narcolepsy Update: I actually started medication on February 28th and have been trying to make it work ever since. I think I'm less tired, I don't know. My Dr. claims that he thinks Xyrem would help me too. In case you don't know, Xyrem is the legal prescription dosage of GHB, a.k.a. the date rape drug. Needless to say, I do NOT want to go on that stuff! But my mom and my neurologist keep going on and on about the benefits of Xyrem. Excuse me if it doesn't seem worth a full night's sleep to risk G-d knows what that drug does to me. I sure hope things work out in my favor, especially since I can't drive...

That one sure hurts the most. I love my car, my license, my freedom, blaring my stereo as I drive home from the gym or a party late at night in the summer, etc. Now my mom drives my car (although while i was gone she basically broke it for good *sniffles*), I have to rely on my parents and friends to drive me, and I have no idea when I'll be allowed behind the wheel again. This medicine better start working for real awfully soon.

College presentation in speech today... Wish me luck!

Great Night

I think last night was the most fun I have had in a very long time. Some friends and I went bowling Saturday night and saying I spent the night on the floor wouldn't be an exaggeration! I experienced my longest cataplexy attack yet, in which I was barely sitting and couldn't stand for twenty straight minutes because my friends were making me laugh so much. It was so worth it though. It made me realize that these friends are the ones that are there for me the most, no matter how rough it gets. And I gotta say, it doesn't hurt when the guy I like is all for being my shoulder to hold onto during an attack ;)

So all in all, a truly great night. One that I am way too tired to elaborate on!

A Looooong Day...

Yesterday was a VERY long day. It started with school until 2:30, with on and off sleeping all morning. Then we had to drive to Romulus for my brother's basketball game and I slept for a bit in the car there because my cataplexy was pretty bad all day. Then it got worse; my mom and I started fighting and yelling at each other. Add stress onto tiredness, you get mid-grade cataplexy. Then I did a LOT of yelling at the game, probably had a low blood sugar, was struggling to fix the issue with the MTV's True Life thing, AND texting the guy I have a huuuuge crush on.

Stress + Tiredness = Constant mid-grade cataplexy + Excitement + Low blood sugar + MORE stress + Amusement (flirting) = BAD constant cataplexy

I mean, I could barely walk or climb stairs. It was like the night at my grandma's house when I hadn't slept at all that day and was fighting every emotion in existance. It's CRAP, I can tell you that. So after some electrolytes, protein, and sugar (Gatorade + Reece's) I felt a bit better. We ended up having dinner at a local place so Brandon could get some filming in and as soon as I hit the car, I was asleep.

Now for the WORST part. We all got home and in the house when I noticed that my cat was terrified of the penguin balloon animal a clown from the restaurant gave me. It was truly very funny and was just the impetus I needed to fall. Unfortunately I was in the dining room next to the table and cast-iron chairs, in front of the picture window, and surrounded by two china cabinets and a step down into the living room. I literally pushed away from the step and as soon as I cleared it I fell flat on my face, with my left arm cradle against my chest.

I hear a loud CRUNCHH as my chest made a noise no body should ever made and it hurt like hell. It still hurts right now, sitting at school more than 12 hours later. I have no idea what happened exactly, but this is the first time I've fallen and actually hurt myself. It's sort of scary actually, because I know my cataplexy isn't ever going to get any better, whether it's masked by medicine or not. It's all downhill from here.

Filming, Day 1

After I found out Friday night that True Life was definitely going to happen, everything else came fast like a whirlwind. Saturday night my family and I met with the producer, Brandon, and got to know basically what was going to happen. I had a few cataplexy attacks but more interestingly, got to hear about what he knew about narcolepsy and the other people he'd filmed for the show. Sunday he came over to my house and filmed a bit of us talking about my illness and doing a craft thing for school.

So today was my first day of filming for MTV's True Life. I was excited as was everyone else at my school. Brandon showed up despite the horrid weather we were slammed with the night before and everything was set... until my principal called it off. Yes, apparently a few parents were very outspoken about MTV filming at the school and some of the Board of Trustees were throwing a fit. Despite his and mine extreme pleading efforts, it was a definite no. This happened over the course of all day so the filming he DID get with my 10+ attacks is useless.

That's all I'm going to say about filming. But I did have a funny off-camera spill this morning. I was in the school lobby talking to Brandon and Bailey (my brother) when they made me laugh and I tumbled forward and then onto my back with my head bouncing on the hard floor a bit. I was fine, but the visiting family wasn't. All they saw was a 'passed out' appearing unconscious teen and a bunch of adults standing around laughing. It's good to know I can still scare people!

Making Me Laugh

Ahh! I forgot to tell you the funniest part about my night! It's making my speech slur just to think about it.

Of course I had to make the announcement to my friends mid-dance that we'd gotten approval for the MTV thing. So I had a bunch of alumni students or just other kids I don't really talk to wondering why I was going to be on True Life. I had to explain my 'illness' which they actually found amusing (surprise, surprise). This resulted in everyone trying to make me laugh for the rest of the night, wanting to see me fall for some reason. I guess it's hard for those who haven't seen it to understand.

After the dance I was leaving along with the chaperones and couple kids that had yet to leave. As soon as we got outside they began to goof around and tell horribly lame jokes for my sake, and just to be safe I decided to stand in the grass instead of the concrete, and they followed. As soon as my feet hit the grass, something about the absurdity of the situation made me crack up and I fell straight down to the muddy ground. I landed on my back, unable to move, a smile frozen on my face, and the horrid urge to cover my face from them as they crowded around me, calling out that I'd faked it.

Soon I was able to move and they helped me stand up and brush off, asking over and over if I was okay. So amazingly I felt okay. The only part that embarrassed me was the no-doubtedly creepy frozen smile on my face while I was down. I think it was that these kids were so understanding and eager to understand further. Plus, they were all younger than me--my brother's age--and as long as I can remember had looked up to me, so I knew nothing that I did would make them think I was a freak.

You have to admit it, even I have, that this was pretty darn hilarious and overall an end to a pretty great night :)

True Life: Narcolepsy and Cataplexy Part II

Good news: I am definitely going to be camera stalked for a week for the True Life show! I just got the call tonight that everything is all set and the producer, Brandon, will be here by tomorrow. I can't believe this actually worked out. If someone would've told me when I first saw that ad that I'd appear on any MTV episode even if just for a few minutes, I would've laughed. Mostly I'm glad that I'm helping to get the word out. I mean, that's why I want to do this at all. The more people know, the better for me and every other person out there suffering from narcolepsy and cataplexy.

So filming begins Sunday and will follow me through school next week. Let's hope for lots of laughter and awkward situations for them to film, haha :)

Tonight resulted in some killer cataplexy. I had to play my flute at a funeral memorial service for my principal's dad after school, so I was dress in a nice black skirt and top. Afterwards was a dance for the 7th through 12th graders (pre-planned before his death, let me add!) and I just decided to wear the same clothes.

I should've known that was a bad decision. My cataplexy ended up being bad that night and in the very beginning someone was cracking jokes. I quickly decided to leave the room and regain my cool but on my way out, felt my muscles go stiff and BAM, I hit the floor. Let's just say that falling flat and then having momentary muscle paralysis is NEVER good in a short skirt, so I decided once I was able to move and get up that I'd switch back to my jeans. Much safer!

Dancing turned out being hard for me. I felt like my limbs were made of jell-o as I attempted to dance with my friends, and I nearly gave up it was so hard. Good thing I didn't, because soon the weird feeling passed and I was able to hold on my own and have fun like I used to. Well, almost like I used to. I stuck close to the wall, just in case.

But there's my night! I had fun, it was definitely worth it :)

Falling and Freezing

It's so weird to me to see my 'illness' changing from day to day. One day I barely fall when I laugh, the next day I can barely stay standing. It gets worse nearly every day, which is kind of frightening as I'm sure you can imagine. Today for the first time I fell and instead of popping right back up, I was temporarily unable to move. Of course I've read about this before and I knew ahead of time that this was normal for people with cataplexy, that their muscles refuse to move for a short time after they fall. I thought I was totally cool with it, until it happened.

It's honestly kind of freaky--okay, extremely freaky--to fall and have your limbs bent at odd angles and not be able to fix it. I couldn't talk and my muscles refused to move no matter how much strength I put into it. My teachers had to help me (I was at school, great right?) and when I tried to sit up, I collapse AGAIN to the ground. So they brought me a pillow for my head and just let me relax. I have to say, I'm not really used to the muscle freezing yet, but it's happened every time since that I've fallen.

So here's to worsening symptoms! I hope it gives MTV something good to film so we can show the world what cataplexy is and why it truly isn't a laughing matter.

Happy Valentine's Day!

For all those who don't suffer from this condition, consider yourself lucky!
I definitely feel for this poor guy :( and am fortunate to, so far, not struggle with this trigger (although I'm only seventeen, so what would I know? haha)

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/the-hot-button/when-valentines-day-makes-you-sick/article1906648/

Another Negative...

So I’ve experienced a new downfall of cataplexy (as if it needed any others!). Today my mom drove my brother and me up to Novi, Michigan to Twelve Oaks Mall so we could get in some shopping before he leaves for Italy. The kid NEEDED jeans badly and they house the nearest Abercrombie in an hours radius of our house. Well walking into the mall, Bailey and my mom kept joking around and laughing. So I knowingly veered away, trying to control myself. But then they started going “Where’s Julie?” and “Don’t make her laugh” really loud like drunks. So of course I went down. I crumpled to my knee, twisted, and fell back flat on the cold cement in front of who knows how many strangers. And I ripped my brand new jeans right at the knee.

This was also the first time I’ve fallen in public really, and a lady came over to ask if I was okay because here is a random teenager who fell to the ground with her mom and brother standing over her and laughing. I swear the poor lady was about to call Children’s Services! But turns out she was a nurse and when we (well, my mom because I was still trying to get my limbs to work) explained that I had cataplexy, her only worry turned into if I had hit my head or not.

Level of embarrassment: 6, because she was nurse and understood.

What Is Cataplexy?

This morning, I got to explain to my high school class what is wrong with me. I started out with the narcolepsy, explaining why I fall asleep all the time and that it isn’t my fault. I also had to apologize for the depression and cranky attitude—again of which is not my fault. The harder one to explain was cataplexy. I tried to get them to understand what it was like for me by saying “You try it. Your doctor asks you what seems to be the problem and the only reply you have besides ‘I’m tired’ is ‘When I laugh my knees buckle’.’’ It’s not an easy thing to get across to anyone who hasn’t experienced it!I think they got it.

I had all fourteen set of student eyes and three raptly attentive teachers who listened and didn’t smirk or interrupt when they shouldn’t have. After, the principal asked the group (knowingly) if anyone else there had had to deal with a life-crippling disease. Alas, one girl had gotten Leukemia in the seventh through ninth grades. She was able to tell everyone how scary it is to have something you can’t explain when everyone else around you is hunky-dory. She also told them how important it was for her to remind her body that Leukemia wasn’t going to take over and define her, and how her friends got her through the day.

I really hope this helps them understand what’s going on with me. I’ll be like this from here on out so they can either deal with it or find a school free of narcoleptic/cataplectic people. I know for sure they won’t treat me different, just a little more careful and aware.

4-Wheeling on Super Bowl Sunday

So the on-going idea is that negative feelings can’t cause cat-attacks, right? Somehow, there’s got to be a positive emotion tied in there before or after the bad feelings that makes our bodies go haywire. I was watching the movie Life As We Know It with my parents tonight (you know the one with Katherine Heigl and that cute guy and their best friends die and leave them their baby but they hate each other?) and it got to the part where the best friends die and all of a sudden along with the tears trying to well in my eyes, my head kept falling down and my arms were shaking uncontrollably (thank god I was laying down!).

So this one’s got me stumped. I have no idea what kind of positive emotion I was experiencing along with the dying of this baby’s parents that triggered my cataplexy. Weird, huh? Not to mention I’ve discovered that the more tired you are, the harder it is to recover from cat-attacks. This coming from me and my mom laughing over some funny pictures I had saved on my computer just a half hour before the movie. My head kept bobbing even after I’d stopped laughing and my head was pounding like a killer migraine was settling in. It was the longest attack I’d ever experienced, damn after-shocks!

I ended up trudging over to the couch in a half-asleep daze and falling asleep for real as soon as my head touched the cushion. As soon as I woke up, snapping awake fifteen minutes later, my head felt fine and my body was back to normal. I did ask my mom a question about something my dad had said while I was asleep. This got me a strange look as a light bulb went off in my head. “I dreamed all that again, didn’t I?” I asked. Yep, sure enough; I was dreaming/hallucinating all that. Ahh the strangeness of my brain will never cease to amaze me now.

Getting up early for an EEG at the hospital tomorrow, then some blood work to confirm one hundred percentedly that I have narcolepsy. Fuuuun?

My Diagnosis: Narcolepsy with Cataplexy.

Well it's official. As of last Thursday, my neurologist diagnosed me with narcolepsy and cataplexy. After a few months of symptoms including but not limited to:

- sleeping in school (and all day)
- trouble sleeping at night
- horrid nightmares
- collapsing when I laugh
- collapsing whenever I feel emotions

... several types of blood work, an MRI, four EKGs, and so many doctors that I lost track, this doctor was able to tell me what was wrong in about three minutes of meeting me. Boy, do I wish I had met him back in November.

What now? Well that's a good question. My life is definitely going to work out differently than I'd originally planned. College will be a bit harder, medical school will be BRUTAL, and then even after I may not be able to become what I want to be--an anesthesiologist. On the bright side: I'm alive. I suppose if I'd been killed by that car accident in November I wouldn't have to deal with this... but I'd be dead, and that would suck as well.

I still get to go to Italy in March (where I will celebrate my 17th birthday!) and then as soon as I get home, it's time to start medication. The wonderful concoction of stimulants and anti-depressants are going to take a toll on my mind mid-junior year, but what choise do I have?

So tomorrow I'm getting an EEG and then some bloodwork, on Monday night I'm going to the hospital for an overnight sleepstudy, Tuesday when I wake up it'll be daytime sleep testing, and on top of all that we STILL have to schedule the spinal tap that I volunteered to get for Stanford's research. Worse than all of that? On Friday morning I get to explain to my high school class what's wrong with me and what to do if I collapse in the middle of the hallway one day. Wish me luck...

That's where I stand. The reason I made this blog is so that I can hopefully talk to others that have the same thing as me and we can help each other learn how to deal with our issue. Mostly I just needed some private therapy--these teenagers suck on the sympathy level, you know. I want my life to go back to normal. I want to be happy again and have fun, and maybe turn this life sentence into something helpful and change the world somehow. There's nothing in the sleep disorder books that says I can't do that :)

Adrenaline 1, Cataplexy 0

Not only a week in and I think I’ve already discovered a cata-blocker! For the Super Bowl, I went to my friend Kyle Spott’s house for the game. We all (all the juniors, a sophomore, siblings, etc.) ended up on the four-wheelers outside. One second I’m terrified I’m going to fall off (first ride, you know?) and the next I realize that this is the most normal I’ve felt in months! The adrenaline was keeping my body in check, despite the fear that I would have too much fun. Like the adrenaline junkie in me needed any more impetus to pop his head out every once in a while…